Wednesday, January 11, 2006


glowing come hither burgermeister neon beckons weary safeway shoppers

it's come to this dear readers. a review of a hamburger place on a "mostly vegan" restaurant review blog. the irony does not escape me, but let's face it, most of us don't live in a little meat-free bubble, hanging out exclusively with like-minded herbivores all bemoaning the fact that we do not have the mighty cows second stomach that might relieve a little of the, um, pressure of eating so much fiber. most of us eat and live with those who prefer to eat the full spectrum of the meat-rainbow. and sometimes they want a burger and you don't want to be a sanctimonious, rigid pill. and so you go. and take pictures. and drool. and feel just like a pornographer.

surprisingly two of the easiest places for a vegetarian to get a decent meal (at least in this part of the country) are at the carnivores most meatiest eateries: steakhouses (tons of sides and baked potatoes and salads) and burger places (veggie burgers, fries and salads).

i don't eat burgers but my man does. and he loves burgermeister. we go to the one on church street although they have outposts in northbeach and cole valley.

boca burger ($6.95)

burgermeister goes above and beyond the one token veggie selection and offers three different types of meat-free burgers: a garden burger, a boca burger and a grilled portobello burger. now, i don't like garden burgers and i may be the only person on the planet who doesn't like grilled portobello mushrooms as a sandwich, but luckily for me i do love boca burgers. for $6.95 my boca burger came with the usual garnishes (onion, pickles, lettuce) plus the choice of coleslaw, green salad or fries. i can't vouch for the salad or coleslaw, but the fries are very good. they are nicely browned, not soggy with a nice crunch and you get a pretty gi-normous portion. washed down with a fat-tire ale on draft it make a very tasty if not particulary health conscious feed.

the onion rings are battered, crispy and deep fried perfection.

onion rings ( $1.35 for the "upgrade")

as for the meat-burger i am in no position to comment. but it would be silly to go to a burger place and not discuss the meat. so here he is, my man, discoursing on the merits of the burgermeister burger, which he always gets in the child size (1/4 lb. versus 1/2 lb.) which looks plenty big to me.

1/4 lb. child sized cheeseburger with fries (5.80)

what do you look for in a burger?
"well, first there's the bun. i like a bun that is not too bready or oversized. and i like to have control of the condiments - serve 'em up plain and let me add onions and the like. but most importantly is, of course, the meat which has to be organic. i like to be able to really taste the meat through all that condiment junk in the burger. the meat flavor has to come through in a good way and not in a stanky way. in some burgers you can't taste the meat at all, in other burgers you can taste the meat but it's, you know, stanky, and then in other burgers you can taste the cow and it tastes good. hmm, and consistency is important. the place has to be consistent, not like kellys burgers on 16th where sometimes the burgers are good and sometimes they're awful. did i mention that the meat has to be organic? i did? yeah, well, you don't want to eat sick, mistreated mad cows all shot up with hormones. you might grow breasts or something. not good for a man. unless you're into that kinda thing..."

on a scale from 1 to 10, how do you rate the burgermeister burger?
"9. definitely a nine."

some claim that burger joint is better than burgermeister. what do you think?
"well, i haven't been to burger joint in a long time because i know three people who have gotten sick after eating their burgers. last time i ate there, there was grease on top of the buns, which i hate. and the meat had that bad stankiness i was talking about earlier."

where have you had an equivalent or better burger?
"burgermesiter has the best thin-type burger. back in the day the medici burger in chicago served up the best thick type burgers. i don't know about now."

given the choice between a swift kick in the pants and eating a burgermeister burger, which would you choose and why?
"i'll take the burger. my ass is kinda bony."

burgermeister homepage
citysearch review
sfsurvey review

138 church street
san francisco, ca
415 437 2874


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